Rob Roy Glacier with Jakub Green.

Sophie skates Kaikoura, before I started cycling. One of the world's most beautifully located skateparks.

Careful now, you dawg.

These NZ roads are tough on bikes.

Moana to Motueka ... Animals, Insects, Observations

It all starts with a name. New Zealand is known as the land of the long white cloud. There were 70 million sheep here just a few years ago. But these days there are 30 million less sheep, and they are exporting the same amount of meat. Better husbandry I'm told. Now what husbandry has to do with shearing and slaughtering ... well, that's another story.

What's important about all those sheep is their weight. It's necessary to keep this island from floating into the heavens, into the land of the long white cloud. So what gives? Well, all those sheep didn't want this lovely island to float away, and they missed home. So they reincarnated. As busses. There are now 30 million busses running around the south island, going hither and yon filled with tourists. A few Americans and Europeans, and mostly Japanese. I think every one has passed me ... twice.

And what of all those sheepherders you query? Bus drivers, of course.

*****

It all starts with the olympics. My helmet was cracked upon arrival, so a new one procured. This new helmet is more hole than helmet. And for some reason it's a bumble bee magnet. I think I would win the gold in the helmet removal event in the olympics. My practice runs have delighted a number of drivers to date.

NZ has no mammals, no snakes, nothing to poison or tear one limb from limb. It's a wonderful mystery. Yet it's possible, nay, inevitable to get eaten alive down here. Sandflies the culprit. Their nasty bites itch powerfully for weeks.

*****

And it starts with the green, in a hundred shades. Dripping green, so moist, so tall, thick on both sides of the road. Threatening to devour me and the road. What delight to pedal through these west coast roads. This rain forest is lush, so prehistoric. Were a brachiosaur to cross the road in front of me I'd scarcely be surprised.

*****

Today, an 85-miler from Murchison to Motueka presented me with the following to observe and enjoy. Palm trees, magnolias, mimosas in bloom, firs, pines, cedars, and a hundred other types of tree ... ripe fruit ... blueberries, plums, cherries, apples, pears, kiwifruit, raspberries. Lush ferns. Fields of corn and hops. Vineyards. Stunning valley views, mountain vistas, ranges of hills. Beaches. Too many streams to remember. A magnificent river valley. This was one memorable day to ride my bike in New Zealand.

Wanaka to Moana ... What the Schist?

It all starts with mud ... and sand. Add 200 million years, give or take, significant heat, pressure, and you end up with schist. What's so great about schist? It's all about the water color in some of the lakes and streams here in NZ. I get excited when I see this color. It's a fluorescent luminescent blue-green that looks otherworldly. Unreal is this color, pure the delight. It's the schist flour that gives the water this lovely hue.

And it all starts with language. Although English is spoken here, it's quite a dialect, a distant cousin to that I speak. Oft I have to repeat myself, and have to ask once or twice for a repeat. Some accents are so strong, I have to key in with all my intent to understand. Here's a key to help with your visit.

Some key terms:

Tea ... dinner
Cuppa = tea, or coffee
F**k = self explanatory (se)
F**kLots = se (common in many sentences)
F**kAll = se (many Kiwis curse, a LOT)
Bra Fence = that 1/10th mile section of fence near Cardrona with bras hung upon it
Tuapatere = the town in which I own a sawmill, won in a pool game
Tuapatere Sawmill = that business I gave back to the owner after discovering it had $8m in debts, and needs a NZ$200k resource consent permit
Eh! = not a question as our neighbors to the north annunciate, rather a statement
Good on Ya = se
Good as Gold = se
Pudding = dessert
Lollies = candy, including lollypops
Dunedin = that city that received a month's worth of rain in 20 minutes, word is the stockbrokers were filing into an ark two by two
Mail Carriers = you just gotta' love a country where the mail is delivered by bicycle!
Music = all the hits from the 70's and 80's play on the radio, no wonder NZ seems back in time
Dear = pricey, expensive (and I thought all these Kiwi women were flirting!)

Te Anau to Wanaka ... The Soapbox

It all starts with a question ... some more tentative, some bold and disbelieving.. 'How could we elect that guy again' they all wonder. Into my tirade I launch, mainly heartbroken over our occupation of Iraq. The lives wasted, the country destroyed. What could we do with over 1 billion dollars every week? Think of a problem on the planet, and I guarantee with a few billion and some time to implement, we could solve most if not all of it.

So I go into fantasy. Given the recent state of the union speech, I've been thinking some about the one I'd like to hear before I die. Let's say it's 2016, and it would go something like this:

******
Fellow citizens of the US, and of this planet. I'm proud and honored to stand before you tonight, to serve you for another four years. We live in a phenomenal time, and this is a most talented, rich, intellectually powerful and capable group of citizens I represent. Four years ago you elected Hillary and I on a platform of sustainability and peace. I'd like to jump right into my report card. We set an incredibly aggressive set of goals 4 years ago, and I've given myself an 87% score for our success. I don't know if 100% is possible in these next 4 years, but we're aiming for just that. You can read detail on everything I mention tonight, as well as on how we came up with the score at barackobama.prez.

In 2012, our base year, we set a number of areas of priority. In no particular order of importance, I'll briefly assess our successes and failures. Firstly, we've had some terrific results from our scientific competitions. Setting up groups of competing scientists and giving them 100 million dollars was very controversial, as you all remember. Yet look at what the winning solar group accomplished. In just 3 years, they created and we have now licensed paper thin photovoltaics, easily retrofittable, that create electricity at just under 3 cents per kilowatt hour. And winning the bonus prize of 300 million dollars, along with licensing fees, was certainly great motivation.


Lester Brown, our Secretary of the Environment, is also very proud of the wind initiative, and we are now generating 38% of our electricity from wind. That's above our goal of 35% by 2015. He's doing wonderful work on soil and water conservation as well. Another major goal of ours was to become independent of foreign oil. We've not quite reached success there, but the new carbon fibre trucks and autos coming off the assembly lines today are getting an average of 124 miles/gallon. The hybrid technology continues to improve. We'll continue to get the old cars off the road, and hopefully have complete phase out of gasoline engines in autos and a full hydrogen fleet by 2020.

Warren Buffett has done remarkable work as Secretary of the Treasury. It's always a learning experience to be around this man. Our dollar is as strong as it's been in many decades, our budget and trade deficits have turned to major surplus, and our trade policy now favors the working poor around the world. And I'm proud to announce that the top tax rate will drop to 30% as of this calendar year, and there will be no income taxes on those earning less than $65,000 annually.

On to AIDS. I promised a reduction of 70% infection rates during my inauguration speech. We've not done our job there, and you can read the detail at the web site. But we've reduced infection rates by 63%, we know why we fell short of our goals. We're working hard to get to our 2020 goal of 95% reduction in infection rates from the base year.

Vice President Clinton has done a stellar job with health care reform, and social security management. We decided to not appoint any new committees to study the issues, as had my previous 6 predecessors. We jumped into implementing strategies. I'm happy to say that social security is completely solvent, and our universal health care system now takes care of all of our citizens. She's done wonderful work.

And finally, I'd like to talk about the most controversial, and most personally most exciting area of challenge we've undertaken. That, of course, is the transformation of the Department of War (Defense for some of you) to the Department of Peace. Wesley Clark is doing a fantastic job there. It's been a tough tough fight, and a very rocky road. The FBI and the CIA have been almost completely disbanded. And the major defense contractors have mostly made the transition to peacetime manufacturing. The solar and hydrogen initiatives have provided many jobs for those who worked in the industry. And denying companies the chance to outsource also created significant job growth. The wind turbine and solar flat panel industries have also absorbed many of those displaced.

And now, for these next four years, I'd like to briefly mention my main focus, my largest goal. I call it the 90/90/90 plan. We are going to bring 90% of the world's population clean water, enough food, and primary education by 2016. Working closely with the UN, we think these goals are achieveable over these next 4 years. You elected me on the promise we'd work on these issues, and we are beginning this month to roll out the working groups in various target countries. As we learned from our debacle in Iraq, and many other countries prior to that, you can't bring democracy to a country at the point of a sword. So we continue to strive to be a shining light, and example to the world.

Thanks, and may what ever diety you pray to bless you ... be it Krisna, Buddah, Allah, God, or whomever. Now, let's get back to work.

******************

OK, OK ... I'm not a speech writer. And for now, back to our regularly scheduled presidency. But I can dream ... O, how I do dream.

Oh, yeah ... the cycling's been astounding and fantastic. The 57 mile out and back from Queenstown to Glenorchy defies description. It's obvious why Peter Jackson used it so much for Middle Earth, it's magnificent. And the Crown Range ride from Wanaka to Arrowtown and back was a wonderful grind.

My two days in Wanaka sadly come to an end. This town continues to astound. Being in the warm embrace of the Green family was pure delight ... I will miss them.

Bluff, New Zealand - the bottom of the South Island.

Well, ummmm, it used to be ...

Dunedin to Te Anau

It all starts with a dance ... many of them.

The man dances with his machine. Are the wheels true? Tubes inflated, tires treaded, gear packed well? Bike clean, chain lubed, spokes tight?

The man dances with his thoughts. Dreams of a potential future life here in NZ. Remembrances of fine times with family and friends. Good vibes to Mom. Is he connected to the amazing scenery or in his head? Is he like the pastor thinking about making love to his wife while giving his sermon, and thinking his sermon while making love? Or is he riding, breathing, watching, listening? Ah ... the dance of the mind.

The man dances with Trust. With hunks of metal weighing between 1 and 10 tons blasting past, sometimes within inches, trust is a given.

The man dances with newfound friends. Mark delights with his solid personality, Sonny clobbers him into less knee pain, Jenny and Peter are superior hosts and gracious tour guides of the magnificent Catlins, Pablo guides him through wonderful back roads, Roz drives him over 10k of gravel. These Kiwis are damn proud of their country, and have every right to be.

And today I meet a leprechaun of a Brit, DeanO by name, who blows it all away. See, I had spotted him at Riverton, and thought HA, who would be foolish enough to bike in those heavy boots. Who could possibly have such a clean bike ... he's bussing it around. Especially when he turned up ahead of me on the road. We end up together, and spend an afternoon cycling and drinking beer. DeanO, my friends, has spent most of the last 10 years cycling the world! He has just a tad more gear than me, but carries a tent and sleeping bag. DeanO, o quick to judge dancer, sleeps in the forest every night. DeanO shaves washes and spends a full hour each night cleaning his bike. DeanO is living in the lap of luxury on a most ever in his life NZ$20/day (US$14) and may have just found his dream job taking tourists on mountain bike explorations. DeanO is as cool as the other side of the pillow.

The man dances with pain. Knees bark, the neck growls, and mostly the right glute bites large. How much is too much? When to stop, when to keep pushing through. When to hit the vitamin A(dvil).

The man dances on his bicycle through some of the most spectacular scenery. Quiet roads, rainforest, stunning mountains, spectacular lakes, rivers that take his breath away they are so beautiful.

And he dances with the grace of privilege, the grace of this magnificent adventure.